Case Study Paragraph Revision

Original Paragraph:

            Another way to engage students and help them find interests in class activities is to allow the students to offer evidence of their knowledge and application in the way that they feel most comfortable with.  Teachers, or even teacher candidates who feel relatively younger and more up-to-date, often overlook the power of new literacy.  According to Bailey, without understanding the students' ways, "teachers cannot expect to offer consistently meaningful instruction to their students, partly because they do not understand the ways in which their digital native students learn best and partly because they don't know that new literacies are, and will continue to be, what their students need for future work, leisure, and lives as citizens" (Bailey, 2012, p. 46).  Teachers need to develop "the kind of thinking and doing that their students who are 'insiders' or digital natives' engage in regularly" (Bailey, 2012, p. 45) in order to stay updated to their students' new literacies.

Revised Paragraph:
 

            Another way to engage students and help them find interests in class activities is to allow the students to offer evidence of their knowledge and application in the way that they feel most comfortable with.  Teachers, or even teacher candidates who feel relatively younger and more up-to-date, often overlook the power of new literacy.  According to Bailey, without understanding the students' ways, "teachers cannot expect to offer consistently meaningful instruction to their students, partly because they do not understand the ways in which their digital native students learn best and partly because they don't know that new literacies are, and will continue to be, what their students need for future work, leisure, and lives as citizens" (Bailey, 2012, p. 46).  Teachers need to develop "the kind of thinking and doing that their students who are 'insiders' or digital natives' engage in regularly" (Bailey, 2012, p. 45) in order to stay updated to their students' new literacies.  Students are more interested in learning what matters to their lives or, at least, what relates to their lives.  Therefore, incorporating new literacies with which students are familiar will increase student engagement and therefore improve their performance as well.  In Jamal's case, he likes to read Sci-fi novels, especially the Harry Potter series and the Percy Jackson series.  Although he is usually disengaged and disinterested in class activities, he will definitely show interest in working in class if it is related to books or TV shows of his interests.  Being aware not only of what digital means students are familiar with but also of their interests in general will greatly benefit teachers' planning. 


Reflection on Revision:

            While revising, I tried to connect the ideas and the readings more directly to Jamal because the main purpose of this Case Study paper is to show the experiment that I did with Jamal, the analysis of the experiment, and the conclusions made from the analysis, rather than simply explaining what the readings are about.  I didn’t go too specific or too detailed with the examples because I further them in the next paragraph.  However, I decided to, at least, mention them in this paragraph so that the readers can be continuously aware that this paper is about Jamal.  I tried to re-read my paragraph as though a reader—someone else other than myself—was reading it because they are the audience, not me.  Therefore, I needed to “outline the reader, not [my] paper” (firstyearcomp.com) as mentioned in a blog post titled “How To Write An Outline.” I tried to re-read it like a first-time reader and figure out where seemed to need more explanation or additional transitions for the reader’s better understanding.   

            Both readings for this week, “How To Write An Outline” and “The Best Writing Teachers Are Writers Themselves” seem to have a message in common: good writers write like a reader, and good readers read like a writer.  It sounds like a really obvious message, but people including myself often forget to do so.  When writing, we often write in our head, therefore only elaborating on what we are confused with and simplifying what we are clear about.  However, readers might need more elaboration on what we are clear about and might not need any more clarification on what we are yet confused with.  Thus, this message given by the two readings is something we need to keep in mind when we read or write: Be objective; Think about others before yourself; Read like a writer, and write like a reader!